A Contest: Shen Vs Zed
by TheGoldenSun
Summary: Zed has about had it with Shen's general superiority in anything. He has devised a contest of wills to see which is the better Ninja once and for all! Will he succeed? Cover Image credit to HeeWonLee.


Footsteps echoed throughout the jungle. Summoner's Rift was currently decked out in Blood Moon colors, as the summoners have just unveiled a shiny new skin for Diana. The one she had always wanted. She was beyond joy. The summoners reported that she actually smiled when they showed her the skin. Unfortunately for Miss Fortune and plenty of other Marksmen, the new skins and rift brought forth a slew of assassins wanting to try out the new toys the summoners had crafted for them.

 _Blasted assassins._ Miss Fortune thought in a mixture of anger and sheer panic as she and her support were running from the assassin they were stuck dealing with. He bullied Lux out of farm and roamed constantly, and Miss Fortune nearly broke the communicator with how often she shouted at her to ping MIA. Needless to say Lux stopped responding after the fifth flame, and the bounty hunter was running out of people to yell at.

She looked back at her support, running beside her. Soraka couldn't exactly keep up, as Miss Fortune was currently running at full tilt, and few could keep up at that pace. A blue aura surrounded Soraka, and she quickly caught back up. "Is he gone?" Soraka asked fearfully as she looked around. Reaching into her pouch, she pulled out a ward and dropped it behind them.

Miss Fortune frowned at Soraka's waste of her Talisman of Ascension. She questioned a lot of decisions her support made that day, one of them was... _Wait..._ Miss Fortune thought, as she twisted around and glared at Soraka. "Why didn't you ult Lux?"

"What?" Soraka asked, confusion spreading over her face like a shroud. "When?"

"When she died the first time." Miss Fortune clarified testily. "You were Level 6. You had no excuse not to ult."

"We were being dived!" Soraka protested as they broke through a clearing, their footsteps splashing through the river as they made it to their own jungle. "I was trying to pay attention to make sure you didn't die!"

"I had heal." Miss Fortune snapped. "What you didn't have was common sense. Ult when someone's low, I thought you knew this by now."

Before Soraka could reply, they hit a fork in the road. Spurred by panic, they both ran in a direction without stopping-in different directions. No sooner did Soraka leave Miss Fortune's sight when the announcer's voice rang out across the rift.

 _An Ally has been Slain._

Miss Fortune gritted her teeth, cursing Soraka for being as hard as Lux. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't she get a game when her teammates weren't morons? A bush rustled in front of her.

She stopped in her tracks, breathing heavily, hyperaware of her surroundings. According to her summoner, she had both Flash and Heal, so she might be able to get out of a jam if she was careful. She fired several shots into the air, and the bullets fell into the bush, the explosive shots lighting up the area. The bush was empty.

A shadow darted just out of her field of vision as she scanned the area. She backed up against the wall, her heart pounding in her ears. She had a near perfect game: 10 kills, 0 deaths, 3 assists. Miss Fortune frowned. She would have had 13 kills if Soraka didn't steal some to spite her. Another rustling brought her attention to her imminent danger. She hastily pulled out her communicator and hit the Assist Ping on her location.

No response from her teammates. Not even a word of acknowledgement. Just as she started to fear she was on her own, the deadly ninja sprang from the shadows themselves. Shadows wrapped around her, through her, as a sinister laugh rang through her ears.

In a panic she dived away from a thrown shuriken, and her summoner wasted her heal to get her moving quickly. But in a moment Zed was in front of her, spinning, his wicked blades slashing through her body, causing horrible pain to rip through her body. He attacked her once, then disappeared. She clutched at her chest weakly as she saw her lifebar at a sliver, and the Deathmark was ticking down. She lamented the loss of her kill streak and was determined to let Soraka have it when she respawned. That goat should have respawned by now, and she wasn't ulting. More spite.

* * *

Zed crouched in the bush gleefully. He was going to get a second kill. Ever since that lucky level 6 kill, he had never been able to touch _anyone_ on their team. He was the only one with a kill on his entire team, and he was already in a foul mood. But he figured he might as well enjoy this free gold.

And then a shield appeared, around Miss Fortune, absorbing the entire Death Mark. Miss Fortune was just as surprised as he was, but her tension melted into sweet relief while Zed's communicator squawked with MIA Pings. Zed growled savagely as he clutched his communicator hard enough to crush it.

Shortly the ninja appeared right in front of Miss Fortune, twirling around his sword like nothing special was going on. _Not him again._ Zed thought irritably. _With his stupid mask, his stupid sword, his stupid shields, his stupid abs, his-why am I thinking about his abs? Focus!_

Beyond grateful, Miss Fortune threw her arms around Shen and gave him a kiss before running to their base. Shen then turned around, sheathed his sword, and then started to walk back to top lane, whistling.

Zed dashed out of the bushes in a rage, the blades on his arms completely unsheathed and ready to eviscerate. Shen turned ever-so-slightly, and dashed at Zed, bumping him with his chest on his way. Somehow enraged further, Zed started slashing wildly. Shen yawned and activated Spirit's Refuge, effectively blurring the lines of the spirit and the physical world around them both. In this world, Shen was unbeatable in speed.

Somehow Shen not only blocked all of Zed's strikes, but was also actively harming him with strikes of his own simultaneously. Once the zone wore off, Zed spawned a shadow directly behind Shen, and both master and shadow threw a shuriken at Shen. Shen merely pulled his sword to him and a shield spawned right over Shen's body, deflecting the shuriken. "Are you getting bored yet?" Shen asked as Zed continued to strike ineffectually at his armored pecs.

"Never!" Zed snarled. "You denied me a kill. Again!"

"It's my job on the rift." Shen said with a shrug. "Don't know why you're surprised."

"You're toying with me! I have ulted Lux three times, Soraka twice, Ivern four times, and Miss Fortune once. You literally waited till the last second and ulted to save. Every. Single. One. Of. Them."

"You got a kill." Shen said as he blocked another strike. "Did you forget?"

"That's only because You were level 5 at the time." Zed growled. "The second you hit six, I stopped getting kills."

"Seems like a you problem." Shen said as he dashed at Zed again, bumping him once more before smacking him with his sword a few more times. "Clearly the better ninja is winning."

"Better ninja!" Zed shouted as he started attacking wildly once again. "I'm actually stealthy! I use the shadows! I have bloody ninja clothes! I have better abs! The only thing ninja about you is your underwear!"

Shen raised an eyebrow as he blocked more attacks. "And how do you know this?"

"That's not important. The important thing is that I'm the better ninja. I propose we play a game."

"How much are you willing to wager?" Shen asked as they continued to spar.

"The better ninja buys the loser's lunch for the next month."

"Deal. I could always use free food." Shen remarked as he knocked him down with another strike.

Zed sneered as he flipped back to his feet. "We shall see. I will pick the game." He prepped his epic escape by throwing a shadow over the wall. "Until next time. That next time being tomorrow at 9 AM, at the courtyard. Be there, Eye of Twilight." He blinked over the wall, leaving that foolish ninja behind while he set out to pick the one game he was certain Shen sucked at.

It wasn't until then that Zed realized that he had 50 health left. And that Shen packed Ignite instead of Teleport.

* * *

Zed walked to the center of the Institute Courtyard, and stretched, preparing for his enemy. This courtyard was between the Ionian building and the main outer walls of the institute. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Zed was having none of it. He took a deep breath, and refused to let the overall cheeriness of the area get to him. He had to be dark, just like his shadow. A shadow in a field of perfect grass. A freshly dug ditch was just ahead of him, courtesy of Rek'Sai.

He picked the perfect time as well. As it was rather early in the morning, the courtyard was abandoned. Most of the Ionian champions were meditating or asleep. With the exception of Jhin of course. That guy was up at 4 AM sharp.

While he waited for Shen, he steamed with the humiliation of his recent defeat. His team ended the game with only one kill among all of them. His lucky one early game when Lux panic flashed into one of his shurikens. His hands clenched and unclenched, eager to beat Shen in something. The one thing Zed wanted more than anything, was to beat Shen at something.

From when they were kids, every time they competed, Shen would inevitably win. The train of thought ushered forth a stream of memories, none of them pleasant, and they swept Zed away.

Shen had managed to beat him every single time in hide and seek, checkers, chess, backgammon, tetherball, football, soccer, sparring, tag, Akali's affections, anybody's affections, bodybuilding, and races. Shen had never gloated. In fact he seemed to be very dispassionate about his victories, almost bored. To Zed it felt worse than if Shen taunted him after every victory, because at least Zed would have a reason to hate him. Shen was never a sore winner, even though he had every right to.

 _Why do I hate Shen?_ Zed thought. _Kusho was the one that never cared about me; he was the one that loved Shen more. All this time, was Shen really trying to be there for me? Is this why he never gloated? Did he really consider me his brother?_

Zed's arms fell slack as his anger melted away. He had an epiphany, and he wasn't sure what this meant for him. Should he try to patch things up with Shen? Try to be a better brother? At least stop trying to kill him in his sleep?

Shen showed up via teleport, as he usually did outside the rift. "So what game are we playing?" Shen asked.

Zed took a deep breath and tried to speak calmly. "We're going to slice fruit mid-air as they fly towards us. This will decide who is the better ninja."

Shen looked at him. "I think I hit you a little too hard in that last game."

The familiar vein started to throb in Zed's forehead. "I know what I'm doing. Just wait."

On cue the two champions whom he cajoled into helping him arrived. Soraka and Ahri each held a basket of fruit. They both had dirt on them, which made them easy to blackmail.

Ahri hopped into the ditch first, letting out a scream as she fell. "THIS IS DEEPER THAN WHEN WE PRACTICED!" Ahri yelled from the bottom.

"You need to be out of sight." Zed clarified. "I only made it shallow at first so I could check your throwing skills."

Soraka climbed down instead of jumping down, and soon they both were out of sight inside of the hole. "Whoops. Forgot these." Soraka said from the bottom. Two swords flew up from the hole and landed in front of the ninja.

Shen bent down and picked up the sword. "So... You want them to throw the fruit up in the air so we can slice them?"

Zed nodded. "It is a test of our reflexes and speed."

"You made a challenge that involves a sword..." Shen said slowly. "Against a ninja who almost exclusively uses a sword?"

Zed resisted the urge to facepalm. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I've seen you make worse decisions." Shen said impassively. "So compared to the ideas you normally have, this is actually a good one."

Zed's anger started to heat up again. "Let's just get this over with." He grabbed his sword and barked down into the hole. "Throw!"

It was no contest. Shen sliced every single fruit they threw up, often faster than Zed did his. Shen soon grew bored and started slicing Zed's fruit as well. He was a precision instrument of fruit slicing, a human food processor, every stroke hitting its mark. The bananas were sliced in half, the apples were sliced into quarters, and the oranges were cut into eighths.

Meanwhile Zed steamed. _You know what? Screw this._ He walked behind Shen and drew his blade. He thrust the sword towards Shen's back, but Shen twisted impossibly fast, grabbing the blade by its handle and wrenching it from Zed's grip.

In dismay Zed watched as Shen dual wielded, and somehow sliced fruit twice as fast. Shen became a human blender, and fruit started turning into juice and pulp. His sword moved so quickly they were starting to glow from heat. When he was done, Soraka and Ahri swam out of the ditch.

Ahri was dripping wet, and she reminded Zed of a wet cat. She wrung as much juice out of her clothing as she could, and shot Zed a venemous look as she stalked away to her quarters. The second Zed turned around he caught a foxfire in the rear.

Soraka was squeezing juice out of her hair, but she was amazed by Shen's skill. "Wow, you really pulverized that fruit!"

Shen tossed the swords onto the ground, and the grass promptly caught fire from the glowing blades. "It was nothing really. Just a simple application of hand-eye coordination along with some practice in sword training. In all honesty any ninja could have done it."

Zed's eye twitched, and all thoughts of forgiving Shen were abandoned.

Shen turned to Zed. "You know, there's this good pizza place down the road from the windmill. I say we stop there for lunch."

 _The next month was murder on Zed's wallet. Apparently Shen loved to eat out, as he did three times a day. Zed eventually had to do something else to make money, and discovered a talent in writing edgy poems. After the month was out, Zed threw himself completely into his work and became well known throughout the Institute of War for his poems that were reputed to be so edgy a reader was in danger of cutting his eyes by reading._


End file.
